His Light Shines Brightest in Darkness
Things Are Not As They Seem
My toes wiggled in the sand as ocean waves crashed at my feet. Anyone observing from a distance would have surmised that I was in awe of the roaring tide and the endless blue landscape diamond-studded by the sun’s rays.
But zoom in, and you would see a broken woman, salty tears running down her cheeks mingling with the waves lapping at her feet.
A season of suffering had led me to this moment. Covid hit our family hard, landing my husband and me in the hospital simultaneously. We left the hospital with oxygen tanks and blood clots in my lungs. A scan revealed the clots were gone six months later but revealed a mass growing in my uterus. Two weeks later, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that would take his life in one month.
My shoulders shook as I stood staring at the vastness before me, weeping, “God, I can’t take anymore! I am drowning from the tsunami of losses. Please roll back the storm clouds and let the light shine again.”
Tears flowed, and time stood still. God was silent. In desperation, I threw my hands into the air and sobbed, “I surrender.”
Letting Go
“You see, what shakes us never shakes God. In the place of brokenness, we catch a glimpse of the Father’s heart that burns brightest in our darkness. ”
There is something sacred that happens in the surrender. The past several months had been a series of “letting go and letting God” work His bigger plan. But there was something in this surrender that felt different.
My body spent, my faith frayed, and battle-torn, reckless abandonment to the “enoughness” of God was my only hope.
So, I threw my brokenness at His feet. He tenderly picked up every shard and began the work of lovingly piecing them together in a beautiful work of heart.
You see, what shakes us never shakes God. In the place of brokenness, we catch a glimpse of the Father’s heart that burns brightest in our darkness.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
-Psalm 34:18
God was about to show me more of Himself and give me a deeper understanding of who I am in Him.
He Goes Before Me
When we arrived home from vacation, I received the call that no one wants to hear, “We are sorry, Evelyn, but it’s cancer. Our next step is surgery, and then we will discuss a treatment plan.”
More tears, but this time with a newfound peace discovered that day at the beach. “God, I am yours. I’ll be honest, I don’t like this, but you lead, and I will follow.”
This time, God was not silent. His voice spoke gently to my heart.
“My daughter, do not fear. I am with you and will never leave you (Hebrews 13:5). I know every twist and turn of the path you travel, for I have already walked this path (Deuteronomy 31:8). Take my hand. Trust me. I will take you through.”
Since my childhood, I had heard the stories of “God with me.” But the thought of “God before me” caused a surge of hope and promise for the future that I had never paused to ponder.
Armed with this revelation, I found courage, peace, and hope to walk this cancer journey. Each new step I face, I seek the Father’s direction, asking Him to make my path clear, whether diet, physical activities, treatment plans, even who should be part of my medical team. “Father, mark my path. Make it clear. Align my heart with your plan.”
The Promise of His Presence
I am overwhelmed and grateful to be alive as I reflect on the past fifteen months. Not only physically, but to have a faith that is still standing. Oh, I have my battle scars, but I also have been marked by the truth that when life’s circumstances leave us standing at a fork in the road in the dead of night, we are in the right place to be witnesses of God’s glory leading the way.
He goes before us.
He abides with us.
And He hems us in with grace.
Friends, I don’t know what you are facing today. Just know this, we are surrounded by the presence of a loving God (Psalm 139:5). All He asks is that we let go, trust His lead, and take the next step.
