The Journey From Fear to Faith
Back in October of 2021, God laid these words on my heart in regards to my story. I didn’t know what He was doing, where I was headed and I couldn’t put words to the season I was in. But He reassured me when that time came, He would open the door to share my story:
There’s a story behind these eyes
And it’s hard to tell it at times
I can’t find the words to share it
But they’ll come when it’s right
This heart beats for more
Than any eye can see
Only the Father knows
And by Him may it be
He knows my story
For He’s written it all
It’s something I’ll share
When I hear His call
It’s a story of strength
When I didn’t think I could go on
A story of God’s grace
That has met me all along.
Here we are about 4 months later, and through Madison, God is telling me it’s time to start sharing.
Settling for Less, Living in Fear
These last couple of years, so much in my life has been brought to light. I’ve realized that a lot of my life I’ve settled for less than God’s plans for me. I was living in my comfort zone, afraid of failure, afraid of what others might think, afraid of not being enough, afraid, afraid, afraid. I was living the opposite of what God calls us to in 2 Timothy 1:7— “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
I was living in a spirit of fear.
For so long I felt I was called to more, made for more, that there was something so much more inside of me, so much more planned for me than I would allow myself to live for. Because let’s face it, it’s terrifying at times. And feelings of inadequacy are all too real. So instead, I would pursue just the surface of it. And the moment I felt challenged, the moment it brought me out into the unknown, the moment God would call me out upon the water, I would shrink back, get back into the boat, make excuses as to why I couldn’t do it, and quit.
I didn’t know how to persevere because, in my mind, anything that challenged me meant that it wasn’t the right thing to pursue. I believed any bump in the road meant it wasn’t where God was leading me because the path God calls you to is supposed to be smooth and perfect with no issues, right?
Wrong.
That sort of thinking never taught me anything but how to play small and live a life of scarcity rather than the abundance Christ calls us to in John 10:10— “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
Just over 2 years ago I was presented with an opportunity that I resisted for quite some time all because it wasn’t what I imagined. And the thing about it is it wasn’t necessarily about what the opportunity itself was, I would quickly come to find out that it was so much more than what met the eye. It would end up being the very vehicle to change the entire trajectory of my life. It was always about a much deeper opportunity. It became an opportunity for immense growth and transformation.
Well, I took the leap. I finally trusted God over my fears and ever since that day, my life has not been the same. Through the opportunity, so much has come alive within me. I am a very creative person, and the things that I once gave up on creatively, I’m pursuing again with new eyes and new faith.
Faith in the Unconventional
Through this journey, I’ve come to realize God is pretty unconventional (thank God because His plans are so much greater and grander and filled with immeasurably more than we could ever ask or think). He can and will use anything as a vehicle to carry out His will and calling in our lives. He can and will use anything to bring forth the gold within us. He can and will use anything to help shape us into the people He’s calling us to be.
“We discredit the vehicle our calling comes in because it’s not how we envisioned it. And we’re so obsessed with needing every single detail before doing something that we end up killing the dream in our hearts. ”
But it takes us being willing to jump in. And oftentimes, that is done through what we initially discredit. We discredit the vehicle our calling comes in because it’s not how we envisioned it. And we’re so obsessed with needing every single detail before doing something that we end up killing the dream in our hearts.
I will say, the road has not been smooth; it’s been rough. It’s actually been one of the hardest I’ve traveled on. I have failed many times, I have fallen many times, I have made many mistakes. But through them, I’ve grown. Through them, I’ve learned things about myself that I need to let go of and improve on, but with that, I’ve learned about the things inside of me I never knew existed because I’ve never done anything to bring them to life.
I learned that by living in fear, I was hiding all of my God-given gifts! I’ve finally learned what it means to persevere. I’ve learned that I’m enough and always have been despite my mistakes and failures. I’ve learned that I’ve had what it takes all along. I’ve learned that failure is a good thing because it means you’re trying and only another step closer to your Promised Land.
I’ve learned to trust God with the questions on my heart and the unknown. I’ve learned that my worth is in nothing and no one else but the love and blood of Jesus Christ.
Watering the Seed
That opportunity lead me to take another leap of faith 9 months ago and I resigned from my corporate job to pursue the God-given, God-sized dreams and calling. And while it’s been the roughest 9 months of my life, I wouldn’t go back and change a thing. For once in my life, I don’t regret one decision I’ve made since that leap of faith because they’ve all been made out of faith and not fear.
For once in my life, I haven’t made quitting a choice. While I haven’t made it to the destination just yet, wherever and whenever that is, I’ve made it to this moment and it’s exactly where God wants me. No matter what this moment looks like, He is far from finished writing this story, and I will continue to trust Him with every single word.
That dream on your heart, friend, is not there for nothing. And to be honest, neither is the fear or the resistance you’re facing. That fear, that resistance is proof that God is up to something bigger than you could ever begin to imagine. So trust God, and take the leap. Your leap of faith is the seed planted and the steps you take thereafter is the water for that seed.
Just wait until you see what grows from it.
